WEBVTT

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My bad! I thought I deactivated
all the security measures.

00:31.614 --> 00:33.574
This is one well-guarded dentist office.

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Not a dentist office.

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Really?

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So I didn't need to pull that guy's tooth?

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Does no one listen
to my pre-heist game plans?

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- You do those?
- No.

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This a high-tech pharmaceutical lab
that just developed a cream

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that replicates the properties
of the fountain of youth.

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We're gonna steal it
and turn it into cold, hard cash.

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Ooh-hoo-hoo!

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We should keep some for ourselves,
because good skincare is priceless.

00:58.600 --> 01:02.604
And you've all made it no secret
that my ingénue days are behind me.

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With all this security, there's got to be
more primo loot to steal.

01:10.236 --> 01:13.573
I haven't really satisfied
my steal-all-I-can-while-I-can itch yet.

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Snake, we got it.
Let's get out while we're ahead.

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You worry too much, Wolfie.

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Let me just grab a few more things.
It will be f--

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Whoa!

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Snake!

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Oh, no. He's... adorable!

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Me? Adorable?

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No!

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Thanks for the longest car ride
of my life, Piranha. It was so, uh...

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What's the opposite of fun?

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I will not apologize for driving safely
with such precious cargo on board.

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Who's a good little
baby Snakey! Yes, you are!

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I hate this! We gotta figure out
a way to change me back.

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Look on the bright side, Snake.
Now you can get away with way more crime.

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No one suspects a baby
of being a master thief.

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Yeah. Where would they even
stash their loot? Their diaper?

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- Should we all start wearing diapers?
- Hang on. That gave me an idea.

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Might be the first good idea
anyone in this group has ever had.

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Okay. Offensive.

02:52.005 --> 02:55.757
We could take advantage of
me being an adorable little twerp

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to pull off a BBBG.

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An IRL BBBG?

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Ooh! I thought the BBBG was only a myth,
like the benefits of vitamins.

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Are you spelling things
so I won't understand?

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Because that is not K-E-W-L!

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He's talking about
the Baby Basket Baron Gambit.

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The Baby Basket Baron Gambit?

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The most infamous long con of all time.

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The BBBG makes an LLLG look like a PPOK.

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The BBBG is simple.

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You start by leaving a child

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on the doorstep of a wealthy,
childless baron.

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You know, barons.

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Richie Rich tycoons

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who amass colossal wealth
to fill the hole in their hearts?

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The crooked kid
slowly embeds into the baron's life

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in order to find out where he keeps
his most prized possessions.

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Blinded by love,

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the baron suspects nothing
as the kid steals said possessions,

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before disappearing
under the cover of night.

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That sounds awesome.
I want to do the BBBG!

03:51.356 --> 03:54.317
No way! We're not doing a BBBG!
Let's move on!

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Can we all pretend
I said that in a non-shouty way?

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It feels like we're overlooking the fact

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that we just pulled off
a successful heist.

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Plus, I made some calls and have contacts
willing to fence the cream for us.

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Or they're on the fence about us.
I didn't have great reception.

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Either way, we should be celebrating,

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and figuring out a way to turn Snake
back into his hideous, adult self.

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Don't worry about me, Wolfie.

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A few cups of coffee and a week's worth
of world news will age me up in no time.

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Right now, we should focus on the BBBG.

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You okay, Wolf? Your eye is twitching.

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And a minute ago, you shouted at the top
of your lungs in a passionate rage.

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Is something from your past
driving your decision-making?

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- No.
- Great. Okay, so--

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It all happened when I was just a pup.

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My mentor and I tried to pull a BBBG.

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Things were going well,
but then I got in too deep.

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Once I was on the inside,

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there was so much to steal,
I lost track of the actual target.

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I didn't know
where the BBBG ended and I began.

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Ahem! Dramatic monologues are my thing.

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Right. Anyway, my mentor had to
blow my cover and pull me out.

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The whole thing was a disaster.

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And I vowed
never to try a con like that ever again.

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I hear you, Wolf.
You were a failure in the past.

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But The Bad Guys have done
just about every type of crime there is.

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Heists, burglaries,
larceny, petty and grand.

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Fraud, putting mayo on everything,

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using speakerphones in public,
piracy, both kinds.

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Not respecting TGIF,
leaving the toilet seat up,

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wet willies, dry willies,
humid Steves, grand theft auto.

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Buffet-sneezing, undertipping,
and crimes of fashion. Can't forget that.

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But we've never done a con.

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How can we call ourselves real criminals
if we haven't pulled a con?

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And besides, this time,
I'll be the one on the inside,

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and you'll be...

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Your mentor.

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You'll have to follow <i>my</i> plan
and do what <i>I</i> say. I'm in!

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Uh... Fine.

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All we need now
is to find a childless baron.

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Got one!

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What? I have a news alert
for newly arrived barons,

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recently departed bishops,
and limited-edition sneaker drops.

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His name is Baron von Tuskington.

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Just moved to town, and is always
photographed wearing this crown.

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I'm sure it's worth a pretty penny.

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There's crowns, and then there's <i>crowns.</i>

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Wowie!

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Well, we've got our target.

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Looks like The Bad Guys are...

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Oh, yeah. No, no, no.

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Well, I was thinking I would say it,
since it was my idea.

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Sure thing. Go ahead.

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- Looks like The Bad Guys are pulling--
- ...are pulling a con!

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Okay, everyone remember the plan.

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Webs, you're going in
as Snake's stuffed animal.

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Once you're inside, set up your cameras

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so we find
where the baron keeps that crown.

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Copy.

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Snake, I know it's hard,

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but you're supposed to be a kid,
so you have to act like a little kid.

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Look how hideously adorable I am.
How could this not work?

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And remember,
don't let yourself get in too deep.

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The target is the crown. The crown.
Say it back to me. Crown.

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- Wolf, come on. I know what I'm doing.
- All right.

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The BBBG is a go.

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Debra! The door! It made a noise!

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Deb?

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Oh! Did I do it right?
I never opened a door before.

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It's fun!

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Oh, dear!

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An abandoned orphan at my doorstep.

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I'm afraid you've come at a terrible time.

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My girl Friday, Debra, has left
to "explore other opportunities," and...

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you see,
she usually handles this sort of thing.

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I'm sure you understand.

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What? It's not like I can just a-adopt...

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Was it impulsive for me to adopt
a random child left at my door? Perhaps.

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But they said the same thing about
me buying that soda factory

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just so I could force it
to stop making root beer.

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I mean, who likes root beer?

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Like, no one.

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Root beer is for suckers.

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See! That's why you're my boy.

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Good night, my precious son.

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Told you this would be a piece of cake.

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- Just don't lose focus. What's the target?
- <i>The crown.</i>

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Wolf, you gotta trust me. I got this.

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Time for phase two, finding that crown.

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<i>Also phase two,
stop treating Webs like a ragdoll!</i>

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Okay. I've tricked out this sippy cup
with a periscopic camera.

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We just get the baron to put it
wherever he keeps his goods.

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Then we'll see
if the crown is in there too.

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- No problem.
- Hey, buddy!

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Uh, baby it up a little. Try crying.

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Wah!

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I'm coming, sweet child!

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What's wrong, son?

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I had a bad dream.

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It was a dream, and in the dream,
somebody stole my sippy cup.

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And I-I wonder,
do you think you can lock it up

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wherever you keep
your most precious objects?

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Oh, surrounded
by all the wealth in the world,

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and yet my little tike is worried
about a simple plastic cup.

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The things that really matter
are the things we love the most.

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And that is you now, my boy.

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So, off I go.

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He likes the most hideous things.

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Target acquired.

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Time for phase three,
getting the team inside.

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"And the upper class
lived happily ever after.

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The end."

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Ah, that was great, Pops.

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But you know what would make me feel like
a big boy? If I could read it on my own.

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Maybe you could hire me a tutor?

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Greetings, salutations, and remembrances.

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My vocabulary is very extensive
because I'm an expert reader.

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Come in.

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- Ouch! Owie!
- <i>Shark, just take the glasses off.</i>

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No can do.
I built the entire character around them.

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And what does this say?

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Don't take this the wrong way, Papa,
but you're a terrible cook.

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Think we could hire somebody? Please?

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Somebody order a chef?

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Phase three complete. I can't believe it.

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We're actually pulling off the BBBG.

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It's all because of me.
I really am a great mentor.

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Oh! Ow!

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Time for phase four.

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Snake, you keep the baron occupied
while the team gets that crown.

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Uh, Papa, could you tell me a story?

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Preferably a long one.

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A very, uh, very long one.

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I'll tell you about
the first time I fell in love.

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I was sitting in a diner when,
suddenly, approaching me,

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I saw a lovely,

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round,

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smoking-hot...

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bowl of soup.

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Delivered by a waitress
named Esmerelda, I think.

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But this soup was incredible!

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It had pumpkin,
it had cardamom, it had soul.

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Uh, what do we do?
This is usually Snake's part.

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<i>Don't worry.</i>

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I have Snake's copy of <i>The Boxman's Code:
Unlocking the Secrets of Unlocking.</i>

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- First, face the lock.
- Well, duh! Who wouldn't know how to--

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This is impossible.
We're never gonna find the vault.

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Oh!

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And I didn't brush my teeth for a week,

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so the taste of that soup stayed with me
for the rest of my vacation,

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which I'm still having.

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Oh, I haven't worked a day in my life.

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The power of generational wealth.

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You know, son, I've never loved
anything as much as that soup.

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- That is, until you showed up at my door.
- Really?

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And I want to show that love
by bequeathing you my entire fortune.

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Does that happen to include any jewelry?

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Like, uh, oh, I don't know,
a priceless crown, perhaps?

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Oh, good guess.
But the crown is practically lunch money.

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The real fortune is my trillions
of dollars in stocks and bonds.

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T-t-trillions? With a "T"'?
And an "S" at the end? Trillions?

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Those reading lessons
are really paying off.

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Yes, my dear son.

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And they will all be yours to inherit

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once you become an adult.

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You know, Pops, all this talk about money
has made me greedy.

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I-I mean, hungry.

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I'm still learning my words.

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I'm gonna go grab a snack.
Now, don't you go anywhere.

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Ooh, I want to hear more stories
about your, uh...

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I mean, <i>our</i> money.

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Put that back!
I've got an even bigger score for us.

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My papa's trillion-dollar fortune!

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<i>Your papa? Snake, no. Don't do this again.</i>

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<i>Just stick to the plan.</i>

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No, Wolfie! Wolf!

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Just think,
if we play it cool for another,

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I don't know, a decade or two,
we'll walk away with trillions.

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No, we can't stop now.

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You really think you can pretend
to be a baby for that long?

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- I really do.
- <i>Oh, no. It's happening.</i>

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<i>He's in too deep. Slap him out of it.</i>

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I can't slap a baby!

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I can!

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- Too cute. Can't move.
- <i>Look away! Look away!</i>

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I am doing this for the good of the team.

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We're about to pull off the longest
long con in history.

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- Heistory!
- No, too late.

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<i>Snake! No!</i>

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This is exactly why
we should have never tried the BBBG!

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<i>Wolf, your friends need you,
and you're the only one who can save them.</i>

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<i>You're the mentor now, Wolf.</i>

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<i>You can do this.</i>

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The voice of my former mentor encouraging
me from the grave after all these years?

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- Heist Heaven does exist?
<i>- What? No!</i>

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It's Webs. Pull it together, man!

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Oh, right. Sorry.

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Hmm.

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Hmm.

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I know what I have to do.

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Pops, we talked about this.

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I am way too old for the airplane.
Do the choo-choo train instead.

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Whoo-whoo! Chugga-chugga, chugga-chugga.

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Ah, that's good stuff.

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- Papa?
- Uh, do I know you?

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Hey, Pops?

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Uh, I-I'm ready for bed.

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Why don't you make this stranger go away,

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and take me to my room?

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Don't go! I-I'm your long-lost son.
My mother's name was Esmerelda.

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She always told stories
about the handsome baron

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that would come into her diner.

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I've been looking for you for years.

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She told me to bring you this.

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Oh, you do have her eyes.

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Pumpkin? Cardamom?

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I would recognize the delicious aroma
of that soup anywhere.

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Oh, it must be true!

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Come on in, <i>new</i> new son.

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No way! The baron's real son showed up
right in the middle of <i>our</i> thing?

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- You know that's Wolf, right?
- Wolf is the baron's real son?!

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Shh! I want to hear this.
Wolf is doing the unthinkable.

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He's trying to pull off an LLLG,
the Long Lost Lovechild Gambit,

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while confronting
the failures of his past.

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Oh, sorry, boys. I couldn't find the chef.

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Probably pulled a Debra.

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Fortunately, we have one heck
of a bowl of soup to share.

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You know, you look kind of familiar.

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Don't see how that's possible.

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Ah, but maybe you just remind me of
a character from a book I was reading.

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He had a very unhappy ending.

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Not to brag, but your brother is
a pretty advanced reader.

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The joys of fatherhood,
teaching your child to read.

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By hiring a person to do that for you.

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He seems mature for his age.
How old are you?

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I don't know. Four?

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F-five-ish? No, three. Wait, no!

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Like, maybe, you know, one to six?

17:36.722 --> 17:38.056
That's an interesting age.

17:38.057 --> 17:40.768
I was born in a leap year,
so it's actually pretty normal.

17:41.268 --> 17:42.685
I remember being that age.

17:42.686 --> 17:45.438
Being young,
never knowing when to stop playing

17:45.439 --> 17:49.025
and <i>focus</i> on
what I was <i>supposed</i> to be doing.

17:49.026 --> 17:51.319
No idea what you're talking about.

17:51.320 --> 17:54.114
And I'd watch what I say if I were you.

18:01.580 --> 18:03.748
Sibling rivalries are to be expected,

18:03.749 --> 18:07.294
but just know
that I love you both the same.

18:09.379 --> 18:14.300
Boy, all this reuniting with family
has tired me out.

18:14.301 --> 18:17.553
I guess I'll see you
in the morning, baby bro.

18:17.554 --> 18:21.766
Actually, I was thinking my big bro and I
could have a sleepover.

18:21.767 --> 18:23.935
Really get to bond.

18:23.936 --> 18:26.438
That is a beautiful idea.

18:28.107 --> 18:29.441
Mwah! Mwah!

18:34.571 --> 18:36.989
Where do you think <i>you're</i> going?

18:36.990 --> 18:38.367
To rescue our team.

18:43.247 --> 18:45.498
You never know when to stop.
You get in too deep.

18:45.499 --> 18:47.542
I know exactly what I'm doing.

18:47.543 --> 18:51.170
- Stealing trillions of dollars.
- What are you talking about?

18:51.171 --> 18:52.296
It will never work.

18:52.297 --> 18:54.674
You can't pretend to be his son
for 20 years.

18:54.675 --> 18:58.971
You're just afraid of blowing it again,
like you did with your mentor.

19:01.014 --> 19:02.348
I'm the mentor now.

19:02.349 --> 19:06.102
I'm making sure The Bad Guys get out
with the crown, as planned.

19:06.103 --> 19:07.854
Want to wiggle with me, little baby?

19:07.855 --> 19:10.274
- Think you can stop--
- What's going on here?

19:11.650 --> 19:14.485
Papa, help! He's not really your son.

19:14.486 --> 19:16.195
He was trying to rob us,

19:16.196 --> 19:18.157
but I stopped him.

19:20.117 --> 19:21.034
Oh...

19:23.829 --> 19:27.832
That's right. Like all richies,
I'm trained in Elizabethan swordplay.

19:27.833 --> 19:29.333
I must defend my home,

19:29.334 --> 19:31.587
and protect my son from...

19:32.588 --> 19:33.589
Uh-oh.

19:42.472 --> 19:44.849
The effects
of the de-aging chamber wore off.

19:44.850 --> 19:46.684
W-what's going on?

19:46.685 --> 19:51.230
Uh... Snakes just, uh,
age differently, you know?

19:51.231 --> 19:53.774
Puberty hits us hard, Papa.
What can I say? Hey.

19:53.775 --> 19:55.610
The good news, now that I'm an adult,

19:55.611 --> 19:58.446
you can just go ahead
and give me those trillions of dollars.

19:58.447 --> 20:00.573
Oh, you've got to be kidding me!

20:00.574 --> 20:03.410
I fell for a BBBG?

20:05.078 --> 20:06.913
And an LLLG?

20:06.914 --> 20:09.291
You were after my crown, weren't you?

20:12.127 --> 20:13.419
Thank goodness.

20:13.420 --> 20:15.630
It's just the chef and the tutor.

20:15.631 --> 20:16.923
And... Oh, wait.

20:16.924 --> 20:18.758
You're all part of it?!

20:18.759 --> 20:21.260
You won't get away with this!

20:21.261 --> 20:23.096
Run!

20:25.557 --> 20:26.808
Come back here!

21:03.470 --> 21:05.264
Whoa! Hey, whoa!

21:05.806 --> 21:07.266
Papa?

21:10.852 --> 21:12.729
Hmm?

21:16.650 --> 21:18.234
Oh, I may be a fool,

21:18.235 --> 21:20.695
but I know my precious baby
is in there somewhere.

21:20.696 --> 21:22.571
And I can't hurt him.

21:22.572 --> 21:23.824
Just go.

21:25.909 --> 21:26.910
Wait!

21:27.494 --> 21:29.746
Can I ask you one last question?

21:30.539 --> 21:31.915
Was I a good papa?

21:34.376 --> 21:35.210
No.

21:35.752 --> 21:37.254
You were a <i>great</i> papa.

21:37.754 --> 21:38.587
And I promise,

21:38.588 --> 21:41.757
there's a snotty little rugrat
somewhere out there who'll love you,

21:41.758 --> 21:44.011
and won't lie to your face
and rob you blind.

21:49.308 --> 21:53.436
<i>Baron von Tuskington
has adopted every orphan in the city.</i>

21:53.437 --> 21:56.397
<i>When asked for comment,
the baron said he'd never been happier,</i>

21:56.398 --> 21:58.024
<i>or more exhausted.</i>

21:58.025 --> 22:01.193
Well, I guess
it's a happy ending all around.

22:01.194 --> 22:02.153
What?

22:02.154 --> 22:05.406
The Bad Guys pulled off two cons
<i>and</i> got the crown.

22:05.407 --> 22:08.117
We only got the crown
because I stepped in.

22:08.118 --> 22:10.703
You would have blown it.
You never know when to stop.

22:10.704 --> 22:13.831
That's why I've got you, Wolfie.
Always there to pull me back.

22:13.832 --> 22:16.250
We're a perfect pair, like oil and water.

22:16.251 --> 22:17.835
Let's never change.

22:17.836 --> 22:20.963
We did pull off our first con as a team.

22:20.964 --> 22:22.882
Plus, I know the perfect buyer

22:22.883 --> 22:26.470
to take all that stolen cream
off our hands.

22:29.014 --> 22:33.517
Good afternoon, sir,
who we've never met before.

22:33.518 --> 22:35.478
Could we interest you in a new cream,

22:35.479 --> 22:38.440
guaranteed to keep brand-new fathers
energetic and spry?
